(WARNING: contains intercepts obtained via surveillance of a Project operative*)
1. “This site will only use the information that we collect about you lawfully (in accordance with the Data Protection Act 1998 and the EU Privacy and Electronic Communications Directive). This includes information submitted voluntarily by you through a form or gathered automatically as you visit this website.”
Intercept: Data protection? Nah. We are watching everything you do. You did hear of the NSA scandal, right?
2. By submitting your contact details to us, we may contact you or send you marketing materials. We will give you the chance to refuse any marketing email from us in the future.
Intercept: We read every single email. We know where everyone is.
Intercept: We can use those cookies to hack into your system and track every online move you make.
4. Some cookies used on this website allow the website to remember choices you make (such as your user name, language or the region you are in) and provide enhanced, more personal features.
Intercept: Yeah, and we use this data and pass it onto the authorities…
5. These cookies can also be used to remember changes you have made to text size, fonts and other parts of web pages that you can customise. They may also be used to provide services you have asked for such as watching a video or commenting on a blog. The information these cookies collect may be anonymised and they cannot track your browsing activity on other websites.
Intercept: Except we can track your browsing activity.
6. Some cookies used on this website collect information about how visitors use a website, for instance which pages visitors go to most often, and if they get error messages from web pages. These cookies don’t collect information that identify a visitor. All information these cookies collect is aggregated and therefore anonymous. It is only used to improve how a website works.
Intercept: Anonymous my ass.
7. Please note that some cookies may be placed by third party service providers who perform some of these functions (or other services) for us. Cookies are used on this website for the following third party services: Google Analytics, LinkedIn Follow button, Facebook Like Button, Twitter Follow button, Google +1 button. Some of these services may be used to track your behaviour on other websites and we have no control over this.
Intercept: Ask yourself who these ‘third party’ services are really passing on your personal data to.
8. By continuing to use this website without adjusting your browser’s cookie settings, you agree that we can place these cookies on your device.
Intercept: And you are also agreeing to let us peek into every single aspect of your daily life.
Intercept: And if you believe that, you’ll believe anything…
*These intercepts have been a work of fiction…